The First Step

Andy and I, since our early dating days, have talked a lot about adoption. For many years, it was a quick conversation; we rarely took a deep dive into what it might look like for us.

Every Saturday morning, Andy and I sit in our living room (with coffee in our hands) talking about anything and everything. One Saturday last December, one of us brought up the topic of adoption again. This conversation was a little different. At that point, we had not been preventing pregnancy for two years, and had experienced four failed fertility cycles. Suddenly, the idea of adoption didn't seem so far-fetched. That morning, we each did a little Googling and found a few reputable adoption agencies. We filled out some "pre-applications", looked at Waiting Children lists, and that was that. We put our phones down and started talking about something insignificant like what to have for dinner that night.

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Fast forward to April 2020...

At the end of April, I was awaiting my period. When you're on fertility treatments, you monitor your body closely, and I often knew exactly when I would ovulate or have my period. During the week leading up to "the big day", I felt different. I thought for sure that I was pregnant. I never have too many symptoms leading up to my period so these things were unusual. When I was in my head, I'd try to convince myself not to have hope; I did a lot of that during the last year and a half. But hope is a tricky thing. It can worm itself deep into your heart and take up residence, and so the, "Oh my gosh, I'm pregnant!" ship had sailed. I was two days late on my period, so I decided to take a test. It was negative. Then, a day later, it started. What a flood of emotions I experienced! I was angry, sad, and confused. I thought I was pregnant and allowed myself to fantasize about the announcements to our families and friends, how we'd decorate the nursery, and so on. All of that came crashing down while I stood in the bathroom at work.

To make matters worse, I continued to bleed or spot for three more weeks. My doctor said I had a chemical pregnancy. This is an extremely early miscarriage that typically takes place very shortly after implantation. Most women don't even have a positive pregnancy test and believe they're just a little late.

I knew that I was not the only woman to have experienced a miscarriage. So, I told myself to move on. Several years ago, I told a friend that I thought I would probably struggle to get pregnant. She asked me why and I just said that I had a feeling it would take a while. So this, along with the fertility issues in general, just felt like my lot in life. I accepted it even though it hurt. I know that doesn't exhibit a lot of trust in God's sovereignty, but it's a very real perspective I've had to face head on.

After that, I was nearing the end. I was tired of taking medicine. I was tired of being insanely diligent and hyperaware of my cycle. I was tired of seeing babies on Instagram. That's when Andy and I decided that it was time to seriously pursue adoption. So on May 20th we met with an Adoption Advisor from All God's Children International (AGCI). We had a 20-minute meeting just to learn the basics and to understand what our options are.

We both left the meeting feeling incredibly encouraged. I was honestly quite shocked that we'd feel that way! We decided we'd take some time to talk and pray about adoption before submitting an official application with AGCI. And we did just that.

After talking with our families, reading some books, and praying a lot, we decided to take the first step towards adoption. In July, we applied to adopt a child from Colombia! And so, the journey began...